So often pain is an iceberg inside

Solid, cold, unmoving, life-freezing

Let it be water instead

It’s the same but the water moves

Once thawed by the warm spotlight of focused attention it is released and made to flow

Then let it go and watch it wander where it will

It will go where it needs to go

To water the dried up places

In purposeful meandering it may gush and move through you like a river

Overflowing and spilling in to all the hidden cracks and crevices

Soaking them in the healing redemptive waters that were so long frozen

Sometimes it can seem like a drowning

Sweeping you away on its torrent

But stay afloat and trust the waters own deliberate motion

Nourishing and cultivating that ground again so that fresh life can be planted

And restored, once again

The taste of my fear was in every new meal 
So familiar to me and always seemed real 
It dulled all the colours and robbed all the shine 
It hid in the shadows but stole every line 

It deadened the heartbeat of every new zeal 
And killed all the joy I ever dared feel 
It rattled the cages and closed a dark drape, 
Though the door was swung open, I dared not escape 

It drowned out the noise of the true voice within 
And broadcast a white noise of static and din 
So I wouldn’t know them or tell them apart 
From longings and yearnings that came from the heart 

It reasoned and teased all the magic away 
And replaced it with facts and with fiction all day 
It needed an answer but left me with none 
It told me I couldn’t, yet demanded it done 

It gave no direction and gave me no choice 
It didn’t like anywhere it couldn’t make noise 
It made it the master and me the poor slave, 
It would have followed me up to the grave 

So I shake its hand now and say “hey good game” 
I know you just wanted to help all the same 
I know this is all that you know how to do, 
Your job is fulfilled, I’m scared and that’s true 
But please step aside now and just go to sleep 
We’ll be here a while and there’s no need to freak 

I’ll take a turn now, to sit at the wheel, 
There’s so much new stuff here to do and to feel 
You have no directions, you just drive around 
And every trip ends in a new lost and found 

It’s my turn to drive, so hold on tight, fear, 
It might be a real bumpy ride while I steer 
I know this may feel very scary and strange 
But at least we can go somewhere new for a change.

When I go, I want to go used up, nothing wasted, nothing missed 
Not a fat fruit, hidden in the middle of a thorny bush, 
Over-ripened and rotting on what was once it’s own plump potential 
Drunk on it’s own juice, saved for no occasion. 
I want life to suck me dry ‘til there’s nothing left 
But dry bones and weather-beaten skin. 
I want to meet every person where they are and not where I want them to be 
And welcome them there wherever that is and invite them in to wherever I am, 
If only for a moment 
I want to learn to see beyond my eyes, hear beyond my ears and perceive beyond my thoughts
The things that cannot be seen or heard or perceived with this machine 
I want to grasp the hand of inspiration that is always outstretched, 
though we can’t always see it though the fog